you stole my heart

Friday, January 30, 2004

as far as im cOncerned, i AM extremely patient.. cOmpared a yr agO. i was pUtting a brave frOnt all this while. bUt deep dOwn Only GOD and I knOw.

de smile On my faCe, it wasnt fake. i was REAL happy. bUt the smile dOesnt last fOr lOng. and as the clOck tiCks, time can Only tell. bUt will it happen? the ans lies in u.

i have nO mOre say. let him find the path himself. i am tOO dead beat. it's always been me whO have tO give in. he's taken everything frOm me till im left with nOthing. is cOmprOmising tt difficUlt? the ans lies in HIM.

all i can say tO him, what gOes rOund cOmes rOund.
He has hUrt me enOugh. and for all the tears i shed fOr what he did

:: ffy 08:51am ::

the week had not been a good one. my mood chnges with the weather. was REALLY lOoking fOrward tO the meetings bUt gUess i shldnt in the first plaCe. the tUrn dOwns left me a deep impaCt. till nOw, i was fUll Of anger and dissappOintment, affeCting my appetite.

i cancelled my tUitiOn with aisyah On wed. i wasn't in the right state of mind to teach and i was tOO siCk. in the head tO be exaCt. thinking Of heading hOme straight tt day, bUt was OvercOme with the intense Urge tO gallivant. reaChed hOme at 11pm and the sCrews tO my jOints had already lOOsened. fell intO deep slUmberland Only tO be awakened with Chest pain. this time i really had tO give in and drOp by at the Doc's. it mUst be the cOld weather. fOr i didnt had any pall malls the last 2 days. the Doc must be real crazy tO give me 5 medicines. it cOst me $38. gdness graCiOus. Of cOurse with 1 mC Only. grrrrrrr. nOthing mUch's dOne. had a gd rest frOm 5.30-9.45pm and wOke Up fOr american idOl. a gd laUgh indeed.

and nOw im baCk tO sChOOl, in the staff rOOm. LO will have a sChOOl visit here at 1pm, fOr prOgress Updates On Us. hOpe she'll make it qUiCk as im having tUitiOn at 3pm. gOtta make Up fOr wed's lessOn. lOng hOliday till mOn.
wishing a 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha' frOm me tO all MUSLIMS. happy hOliday-ing.

:: ffy 08:50 am ::

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

just when the sun's up, i thOught i wld be too. but it rained again and so i am.

i wasn't as peaCh-y as i Used tO. i was mUch sensitive than ever. i cried. sUddenly. alOne, in the hOmeC rm. sab nOtiCed it. i dOnt want tO neither dO i fOrCed myself. bUt the tears kept flOwing dOwn my ZA-pOwdered cheeks. jUst when i needed tt sOmeone badly, i had tO OvercOme it all alOne. i was lOst. i made myself readily available, armed with cOmfOrt, peaCe and lUv, when tt sOmeOne wanted me tO be there. y wasnt i given the same treatment? was giving me the attentiOn tt difficUlt esp when its UnprediCtable Of me breaking dOwn as a resUlt Of being depressed?

till nOw, im real FCUKING pissed. and its nOt easy tO share happiness and time. i was hOping fOr the time. bUt it did nOt cOme.

:: ffy 12:40pm ::

Ah Beng & Ah Seng went to India

Location .. Bombay -- India:
Ah Beng was traveling in a crowded bus. As he took out his wallet to pay the fare, his passport-size photograph accidentally fell from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's long sari. He asked her "Can you lift up your sari? I wanna take photograph".
He was beaten up so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see his Singaporean friend, Ah Seng, on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Ah Seng explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?????????" Ah Seng replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital bed.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
"WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T USE IT CORRECTLY"

Monday, January 26, 2004

dUe tO sOme prObs with the internet cOnneCtiOn at hm, i wasnt able tO blOg. geesszz. Off all times. thx tO tt, i can Only chk my mails and blOggy when im at the staff rm.

my mind's in a whirl nOw thx tO sOmeOne. life will still gO On as nOrmal bUt it's mUch saltier than ever. hate de faCt tt fate's crUel. it is a test fOr me. hOpe i'll pUll thrOugh.

gOtta sit in fOr a class la8 at 08:55am.
:: ffy 08:00am ::

Sunday, January 18, 2004

her: hello, suffy ade?
me: (familiar vOice). yahhh, i am speaking. nie sape?
her: u ade kuar ngan azmi?
me: *wtf* (in my heart). whO's azmi? i dUnnO sUch persOn. hOw u gOt my nO?
her: he stOre ur name and nO as Suffian. i call tO chk if it is.
me: sOrie, bUt i dUnnO him nOr went Out wif him either. whO are yOu btw?
her: im his wife. are yOu free tO meet up?
me: (wife??? gawd. did she get her faCts rite?) sOrie, im meeting my friends at 3.30.
her: whO are your friends?
me: my gfs. (why de hell she wanna nOe)
her: u sUre U didnt gO out wif him?
me: i AM definitely sUre. i knOw myself. (whO de hell is she)
her: *burst intO laughters*
me: LYNNNNNNNNNNN???? %$&*#?!. wat de???
her: panik kapa? lek ahhh. gUrau je..
me: hahahahahaha. *cant ctrl myself*. fCuk lahhh. u and ur jOke.

Lynn Mng's call came as a surprise and shOck tO me..She made a fOOl Out Of me by dOing sO..*grrrrrrr*. didnt expeCt her tO be baCk early frOm Perak. miss her, this sweetie pie. wish i can drOp by her wkplC bUt am having primary schOOl gathering at 4pm, Liang Court's Coffee Bean. ive cUt my hair last thUr, frOm waist length tO 5 fingers shOrter..bUt its still layered thOugh. i DO regret having tO chOp it Off, bUt hair grOws rite? nOw left with de rebOnding.

Ystdae was On Campus at TP. had tO retUrn fOr meet Up sessiOn fOr the attaChment persOnal sharing. catCh up with the Old gOOd times. lUnCh was On pillar at Habibie, with Ida as well. yakkety yak as UsUal nOn stOp. and i aCcidentally hUrt pillar with the ciggy. thOugh it was minOr, i felt real bad. it wasnt intentiOnally aniway. left early fOr tUitiOn at my aUnt's plC in wdlds. dissappOinting it was.

the excUrsiOns tO NEWater, SingapOre Discovery Ctr and HydrOphOnics farm were helluva great. bring baCk the Old memOries Of seC sCh.

:: ffy 01:45pm ::

Thursday, January 15, 2004

early morning. rise and shine. fOr 3 days in a rOw, with cab fare tOtalling Up tO 12 bUcks, MR CABBY tOOk me tO sChOOl, fOr MS LAZYBUM wOke up late. gOne thOse hard earned mOney in the drain. am nOw waiting for the administration of the sec 2 and 3 girls to be done before we proceed to Singapore Discovery Ctr. isnt it way too early to be there? *grinz*.

while in the bUs ystdae tO NEWater, this seC 3 stUdent gave me a raspberry lOllipOp tO strike a cOnversatiOn with me, asking how they shld address me, what subjects i am teaching..just those general qns. sweet gestUre. and Out Of the blUes after tUitiOn, sweet darl of mine, Aisyah, gave me her precious barbie, nicely dolled up in a dress and pink boots. well, pink is her ultimate cOlOur. it tOOk me by sUprise when she did sO.

me: aisyah, why are you givin me ur barbie dOll?
her: im big aready lah. cannot play with it animOre.
me: and i am too. give ur lil sis then.
her: dun want, she's nOtty.
me: then what you want me tO dO with it?
her: sleep with her lah.
me: *giggling*.

in faCt, i dOnt sleep with dOlls cOs i dOnt Own any. even if i dO, tt will be pUt up as display in my rOOm. been 4 yrs wO fail, sOft, hUggable, bean teddy bear aCCOmpanied me tO bed. uhh and dis sweet, petite, demUre darl Of mine is in P2 and is the eldest amOng her 3 Other siblings. geesszz im hUngry. gOnna have bkfast at de canteen sOOn. tt gOnna rake my brain and sab's On what tO eat.

cOntemplating if i shOuld cUt my hair tO the length as in piC 1 Or 2 Or jUst let it be and trim it as in pic 3 or 4. am stressed up and in dilemma nOw.

:: ffy 08:30am ::

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

in the staff room now with Sab, killing time for the dismissal ring at 1.35pm. we jUst came baCk frOm the canteen after the NEWater trip. had to assist the teachers as they were shOrthanded. tt inclUde 2mrw's trip tO Spore DiscOvery Ctr and fri's Vegetable Farm. free trips. and at least we dOnt have tO stiCk tO the same rOutine fOr the past wk. we need the fresh air tOO.

having splitting headache dUe tO the weather. will be heading tO wdlds fOr tUitiOn. tt sweet darl of mine, Aisyah.

:: ffy 01:17pm ::

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Listening to: Should I stay Should I go - Dreamz FM

This song holds a lot of memory. Will a hiatus do me go? I need to recoup the loss I had with pillar, but will i succeed? My heart is heavy to let it go. The chest pain proves it all. Will i still be as strong as ever without it? I do not know. And i need an answer. I am the bad girl afterall. i wanna cry my hearts out. but nothing can make up for tt. *Sigh* :(

:: ffy 11:15pm ::

Saturday, January 10, 2004

a new yr,supposed to be a new chapter in my life. here i am, struggling myself to search still for the answers to the qUestiOns which have yet to cOme to any cOnclusions. i AM clueless. hanging loosely on the rope. its either i took a plunge or hang on to be rescued. if its the latter, how long shld i wait then? prior to tt, will i survive if i take the risk to hold on for long? if i dont, i'll be risking my own life too. for having to take the plunge. there you see. im in dilemma. confusion.

where's de path tt lead us on? i dont see any. do you? 2yrs. isnt tt enough for me to be able to live with the faCt of u, though my heart bleeds. there'll be no path beyond this. its destined. de need of u to be in my shoes is critical and necessary. it IS significant. but not anymore. tts because u think we shld just sit down and wait to see what the future holds for us. shldnt we be doing something? or rather u? or is it tt u are just giving me false hope? fate has already make a spot of us and u can just depend on it? yah, we can only plan but its HIM who will decide on it. i shall just drop it. der wont be a time of me mentioning it again. I SWEAR. im full of tiredness. lets do it your way. i GIVE UP. it wont work out this way. i take a BREAK.

:: ffy 04:30pm ::

i wOnder why whenever i aCCess tO KruzGal blOgspOt, the windOw prOmpts me tO clOse the brOwser dUe tO internal prOb..geeszzz. lame. with a capital L.

making fUll use of my 2 weekends to fUlly recUperate. had tO really get myself Use tO waking up at 6am. been 1.5yr sinCe ive left de wOrld of having tO wake up as early as tt..except fOr Once a wk when i had tO be in TP at 8am. i feel as thOugh im baCk tO my secOndary sChOOl life, minUs de UnifOrm. why nOt? had tO be there by 7.20am fOr flag raising and tt inClUdes the pledge taking and singing Of the natiOnal anthem..attending sChOOl assembly whereby me and sabrina almOst dOze Off and the baCk Of the hall, listening tO the prinCipal pep talks..we jUst cant help it lah, miss TP. news spread fast and heard there's a lOt Of revamping gOin On at TP.. hOpefUlly by the time we retUrn, it'll be niCely revamped tO welcOme us hm.

will jUst fill up my wkends cOmpiling nOtes..ive begin tO feel siCk and tired dOing de same shit at de cOnvent.. sOmething new pls Mrs Freeman? me and sabrina had been sighing and cOmplaining Of bUtt pains nOn-stOp sinCe day 1. we're asst teaChers, nOt stUdents fOr gdness sake..and uhh yahh, we miss wearing jeans tOo..esp my hip hUgger. gUess tt can Only be wOrn Outside wOrking hrs..geeesszz, cant see myself in lady like tOps and pants..i was FORCED tO wear them.

:: ffy 11.50am ::

Thursday, January 08, 2004

well, am glad tt blOgspOt is aCcesible nOw. singnet had jUst crashed On me. hOrrendOus. and im getting lazier dae by dae tO jUst On de pC at hm. tts bcOs i spent almOst 6-7 hrs at CHIJ HomeC Rm in frOnt Of de mOnitOr, cOmpiling de nOtes fOr de N and O level gUide bk. 2mths and 3 wks mOre tO COuntdOwn and im lOOking fOrward tO retUrn tO TP. its Only de 1st week in CHIJ and here i am cOmplaining. hOping still fOr a better 2mrw.

had mC fOr tOday as bad sOre thrOat, cOugh and flU had invaded me sinCe attaChment started On MON. feel sO siCk and weak dUe tO sleepless nights. whOle bOdy was even aching. cant imagine dragging myself tO sChOOl like a zOmbie with panda eyes and rUnny nOse. tOOk my mediCines in the bUs while On the way tO meet my gals at TM. can hardly get tO meet them sinCe ida and me are On attaChment. did lOtsa Of briefed catChing Up. it didnt end there and then, it is tO be cOntinUed nxt wk..

meanwhile, tO kill time befOre meeting them, ive finally Opened anOther aCCt with UOB..de lOng awaiting Campus Card tt ive been craving fOr..it cOmes with a CheqUe bOOk tOO. fOr fUtUre use.

:: ffy 08:40pm ::

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

made my dae On de 1st day Of schOOl ystdae when a grOup of stUdents greeted me and sabrina, my partner. being in an all girls cOnvent schOol was nOt easy. it was tediOus. im terribly shagged thOugh nOt mUch wk was dOne and we've yet tO teaCh either. mUst be the early wake Up. fOr nOw, my brain's dead and im rUnning Out of wOrds fOr my entry.

after 10 wks Of attaChment, there'll Only be 2 days Of sChoOl at TP.. dis semester seems tO perk me up by the timetable..attaChment at de cOnvent ends early as its a secOndary sch fOr gdness sake. a mOrning sessiOn. i'll be extremely bz tO faithfUlly update my blOggy as i'll be mUch mOre tired than i was in pOly..and lazing in bed mUch mOre nOw tOO Once i stepped hm.

p/s: can anyOne tel me why i cant view de rest of the blOgspOts when yOu gUys can? it'll always redirect me tO blOgger hOmepage.

and what my duckie had tOld me, singnet users cant access tO blogspOts due to Blogger experienCing da netwk system prOblem..geeeszzz. im fCuked up nOw.

:: ffy 08:10pm ::