you stole my heart

Friday, January 27, 2006

ive been carrying a burden for these 4 years. it's not tt easy esp. when conscious bugs me real bad. i would not say it's a burden. instead, i would classify it as a secret. a rather sweet and sinful one. often, alone, my analytical mind starts to wonder and ponder over the unjustice done. either directly or indirectly towards me or the other involved party(s), whichever that is. i felt i've sinned. but noone can run away from committing mistakes, by default. as age catches up with you, you will become wiser. thus, the reason of me stepping down. i've made a firm stand this time to look forward and never turn back. ive failed the previous tries. perhaps, i wasn't wise enough. or believe in myself. or made the final decision as ive intended to. i was contemplating. i was too dependent. i was too afraid. i was in fact, hard on the outside, but soft on the inside.

im turning 22 in 8mths' time. you, dear ones, do not have to remind me. im aging. when in 199 to school, Cam was suggesting to catch the R21 movies with the other 2 babes, i was reminded of my age. i thought i would remain 21 forever. how fast time flies. indeed. 22. 23 next year. 24 in 2yrs' time. 25. a quarter of a century. and where will i be? what will i be doing? how will i fare in managing my life? i need to layout my workplan now for the current and future. im no longer a teen. no longer leading a carefree life back then in secondary and poly life. ive got a career now and parents to look after. plus the one & only kid bro. ive got my responsibilities and commitment. ive got a BF tt i don't even know if fate will bring us to the dais. honestly, im aging. i just can't carry on leading a double life. im too exhausted.

i won't say much. neither am i shedding crocodile tears. say what you want. if im ungrateful as what you've claimed, you ought to ask yourself this. i could have speaken up about you and your life isn't it. but i chose to keep mum. yet deep down, im being mentally and emotionally abused. GOD knows. so FUCK OFF. to you and me.

:: ffy 03:30am ::