you stole my heart

Friday, November 11, 2005

i had a fcuking splitting headache yesterday. my head was fucking heavy tt i just felt like fucking banging it against the wall. it must be due to the fucking excessive cryings. added to it, i havent had any fucking meals since morning. honestly, i should have just done what i had fucking intended during that fucking massive argument on fasting month.

i waited 4 fucking hours in my fucking raya clothes; from the sun shine till it was raining cats and dogs, the plan was still fucking undecided. i was fucking looking forward for yesterday outing come what may. it was already fucking planned before hand and it just had to fucking backfire. someone had to be fucking cranky, not in the fucking mood and fucking lifeless yesterday. and it blardy hell affected me. there were too many fucking reasons for the fucking plan to fucking falter. i was fucking geared up to go to the house and having to wait for 4 fucking hours for that particular someone to plan and get ready was enough to kill my fucking entire mood. i just dont know what that someone wants. i woke up, shower and got ready within an hour just for the sake of yesterday but i was fucking dissappointed of the outcome. i always fucking took into considerations of that someone's fucking well being and other fucking factors whenever there were fucking plans for outings yet tt someone just have to fucking smack me right onto my face with fucking assumptions and be unappreciative.

Enough of me being fucking tolerance, fucking nice and fucking soft. tt particular someone don't seem to reflect on the wrongdoings. and the fucking words uttered were just for the sake of keeping me shut. promises are made to be broken? why must it be me who's at the fucking losing end? i kept asking what am i lacking and what else have i not done? where my fucking mistakes lie? im lost for words and i can't find the fucking answers.

yesterday was really such a fucking dissappointment tt without much hesitation, i changed my raya clothes and armed with a fucking pack of Viceroy Menthol Lights in hand, fucking swollen eyes, i left the house in the fucking evening to seek solace. i really felt fucking terrible inside. there was no fucking way tt i could hold back my tears anymore. im feeling fucked up right now. i guess the other plans will be fucking spoilt given this situation. there was no fucking raya outing yesterday, today i will fucking go wherever the fucking feet drag me to, 2mrw will be the all girls house visits in the west area, sun will be the fucking day tt i hope it will cheer me up, mon will be Naddy Nad Nad birthday and i doubt i will get to watch the fucking movie in the VIP seats.

please fucking tell me what else you want from this fucking bitch. for what this someone fucking did a year ago, this someone should make up for all the fucking mistakes. but tt someone made it as if im the one who did all those fucking shits. im fucking tired for now. i need a fucking break. i don't know when will tt someone realise the fucking pain tt ive been through. im not asking for any fucking returns. ive said my fucking piece for now.

now i need a fucking shower before i fucking plan where to head to. the 2 makciks (Naddy Nad Nad and Cam) should be on the beach tanning now. but it's gonna rain. tan ke hape. basah kuyup ade ah.

:: ffy 12:24pm ::