you stole my heart

Sunday, September 04, 2005

to dear you,

im not trying to gain anyone's sympathy in here. HONESTLY. i have no reasons for that. neither do i wanna embarrass myself and the life im leading now. i just have noone to turn to. not MUM definitely. this is where i can only rant and pour my heart content out. i bottled my feelings up way toooo much that i can feel the pain right now. i cry to sleep at times. im depressed. i want to love and be loved. im not materialistic nor calculative. i just want to be heard. ive changed. patience has been part of my life. so are you. what else might have gone wrong? yessss...women are sensitive. if not why are they called woman in the 1st place? did i ever ask toooo much from you?

is this my retribution for what i did back then? if yes, ive gotten my karma and suffered enough. u have more for me? put yourself in my freaking shoes. my ego may be as big as my head but i tried not to show you that. im a WOMAN for gdness sake, so treat me like ONE. i HAVE
feelings just like you. don't do to others if you don't want to suffer the same fate. are you taking advantage of my soft-heartedness that you forgot who i am to you? i don't give a DAMN of what they did (do) to me. as a matter of fact, its you that im bothered with. your attitude and treatment towards me. do your checklist.

please don't run away from reality. till when will you be able to face up to everything? did you achieve anything from doing so? i need someone to take care of me and my feelings for the rest of his life. what i did (do) to deserve this unfairness? when i looked back, i was reminded of the history; which i had never asked for. i was hoping that you will be able to erase my past but the wounds still leave a scar. if only you play a part as someone that really care and love me. you changed tremendously and i couldn't keep up with the pace. if you really mean every single words that you utter to me, you would back them up with actions. but i couldn't detect any. if only i can cut open my heart and let you see how BADLY my heart is bleeding.

ive done enough for you and said my part. i don't know what im lacking. when you made me fall, it wasn't you who pick me up. i kept falling time and again, yet you simply act ignorance. while you, i stood by you even when the dessert storms hit us. what must i do to open up your eyes and heart wide? shall i take my leave then just to make you learn? never regret one day if im gone with the wind. one is enough. i guess this IS retribution. not ONLY from you. even if i shed blood tears, you would still not realise my predicament. thank you for the joy and love you shower me. rofi said it all, those born on the same month just couldn't get along well. u prove it right.

P/S: if you happen to read this, you will think im making a big hoohaa and washing our dirty linen in public. to assure you, im NOT. i just need a confidante. i would have probably kill myself if my mind had went haywired. you may think and say im crazy but ask yourself who, what, when, where, why and how that put me in this depressing situation. no wonder they say girls matured faster than guys.

I should have just went out earlier with Risa..and now Nad wants me for HRC. the people that will make you sane are your gfs. and my pillar. at times.

:: ffy 08:03pm ::